Russie: Elle tue son compagnon lors d’un jeu sadomasochiste et lui coupe les organes génitaux

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Anastasia Onegina a été arrêtée en Russie pour avoir tué et démembré son compagnon avec qui elle pratiquait l’occultisme et le sadomasochisme.

La jeune femme, âgée de 21 ans, a reconnu aux enquêteurs avoir tué son concubin, âgé de 24 ans, lors d’un jeu sexuel sadomasochiste.

Elle a ensuite utilisé un grand couteau de cuisine pour dépecer son cadavre. Elle lui a coupé la tête, les bras, les jambes, les organes génitaux et les joues.

Elle a mis certains membres dans le congélateur et d’autres qu’elle a accroché avec des crochets dans son appartement.

La victime s’appelait Dmitry Sinkevich. C’était un ancien policier et un soldat de l’armée russe.

Des voisins ont raconté que le couple s’adonnait à l’occultisme, au sadomasochisme et au satanisme. Ils ont expliqué qu’ils étaient assez bruyants.

C’est la soeur d’Onegina qui a fait la macabre découverte il y a quelques jours et qui a donné l’alerte.

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Michael Owen and Joe Cole say players would prefer Chelsea over Arsenal ‘every day of the week’

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‘You’ve got more chance of winning things’: Michael Owen and Joe Cole say players would prefer Chelsea over Arsenal ‘every day of the week’

  • Michael Owen and Joe Cole insist Chelsea remains a better option than Arsenal
  • Chelsea and Arsenal are tied on points and goal difference in the Premier league 
  • The Blues beat Malmo on Thursday night while Arsenal suffered defeat to BATE
  • Owen believes Chelsea’s ‘crisis’ has been overblown after Man City defeat 

Peter Rutzler For Mailonline

Michael Owen and Joe Cole believe Chelsea are a far more appealing proposition for potential signings than Arsenal – despite the Blues’ recent struggles.

Maurizio Sarri’s side responded to Sunday’s 6-0 mauling at the hands of Manchester City by defeating Malmo 2-1 in the first leg of their Europa Leg last-32 tie.

Arsenal meanwhile fell to a shock 1-0 defeat to minnows BATE Borisov of Belarus.

For BT Sport pundits Michael Owen and Joe Cole, while the Blues have been under the spotlight of late, it is the west London club that still has more to offer, both in terms of squad strength and the potential for success.

Michael Owen believes that players would rather sign for Chelsea than Arsenal at the moment

Michael Owen believes that players would rather sign for Chelsea than Arsenal at the moment

Michael Owen believes that players would rather sign for Chelsea than Arsenal at the moment

Joe Cole added that unlike at Arsenal there is an expectation to win things at Chelsea

Joe Cole added that unlike at Arsenal there is an expectation to win things at Chelsea

Joe Cole added that unlike at Arsenal there is an expectation to win things at Chelsea

The Blues responded to a 6-0 thrashing at Manchester City by beating Malmo 2-1 in Sweden

The Blues responded to a 6-0 thrashing at Manchester City by beating Malmo 2-1 in Sweden

The Blues responded to a 6-0 thrashing at Manchester City by beating Malmo 2-1 in Sweden

Owen said: ‘Chelsea and Arsenal are virtually mirror image. 

‘They’re on the same points in the Premier League, on the same goal difference in the Premier League, and in the same round of the Europa League. It’s pretty much a level playing field, but which team would you prefer to play for? 

‘Which team do you look at and go, wow what player, good team? Everyone says Chelsea are under a big cloud, but I’d prefer Chelsea every day of the week over Arsenal.’

Cole added: ‘Because the expectation is that they (Chelsea) have always got to be there (competing for titles), which Chelsea have been for the last 20 years, it becomes a crisis quicker than it does at Arsenal. 

‘With Arsenal, they’re probably not going to win anything, they’re in a ten year transitional period. Chelsea demand to win things. 

Arsenal meanwhile suffered an embarrassing 1-0 defeat to BATE Borisov in Berlarus

Arsenal meanwhile suffered an embarrassing 1-0 defeat to BATE Borisov in Berlarus

Arsenal meanwhile suffered an embarrassing 1-0 defeat to BATE Borisov in Berlarus

Alexandre Lacazette was sent off late on to compound the misery for the Gunners

Alexandre Lacazette was sent off late on to compound the misery for the Gunners

Alexandre Lacazette was sent off late on to compound the misery for the Gunners

‘If you’re a player, you’d much rather move to Chelsea than Arsenal, there’s a better quality of player there and you’ve got more chance of winning things.’

Chelsea’s win in Sweden was their first on the road since late December.

Heavy defeats to City and Bournemouth in recent weeks have raised questions about the future of Blues boss Sarri.

Chelsea’s players held team meetings at training this week and issued a rallying cry to galvanise their seemingly ailing season. 

But Sarri needed a response from his players against Malmo and for former Blues player Cole, he got one.

Olivier Giroud scored Chelsea's winner after Ross Barkley opened the scoring in the first half

Olivier Giroud scored Chelsea's winner after Ross Barkley opened the scoring in the first half

Olivier Giroud scored Chelsea’s winner after Ross Barkley opened the scoring in the first half

Cole believes the win shows Chelsea's players are willing to play for Maurizio Sarri

Cole believes the win shows Chelsea's players are willing to play for Maurizio Sarri

Cole believes the win shows Chelsea’s players are willing to play for Maurizio Sarri

Cole said:  ‘The response was excellent, I think Sarri’s put his marker down, ‘I’m going this way, we’re sticking with my philosophy’ and the lads bought into it.

‘I don’t think there’s much difference between the Chelsea we saw tonight and the Chelsea of the first two months of the season. Maybe they ran into a very good Bournemouth team and a Manchester City team on immense form, so it inflates things. 

‘It was a massive result for Sarri. If the lads continue with that kind of intensity then the results could flow, they’ve got a cup final to look forward to in a few weeks, the picture could be very different come the end of the month.’  

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Face à la contestation locale, Amazon abandonne son projet d’installation à New York

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La fronde des élus locaux de l’aile gauche du Parti démocrate a eu raison du deuxième quartier général de l’entreprise, qui devait permettre de créer 25 000 emplois, moyennant une aide fiscale de 1,5 milliards de dollars.

Par Arnaud Leparmentier Publié aujourd’hui à 00h56, mis à jour à 00h56

Temps de Lecture 4 min.

Article réservé aux abonnés

Rassemblement contre l’implantation d’Amazon dans le quartier new-yorkais de Long Island City, le 30 janvier.
Rassemblement contre l’implantation d’Amazon dans le quartier new-yorkais de Long Island City, le 30 janvier. DREW ANGERER / AFP

La crise est inédite. Amazon, la firme de Jeff Bezos, jette l’éponge et renonce à construire son deuxième quartier général à New York, à Long Island City, dans le district du Queens, juste en face de Manhattan. Le projet devait permettre de créer 25 000 emplois, moyennant une aide fiscale de 1,5 milliards de dollars (1,3 milliard d’euros).

En cause, la fronde des élus locaux de l’aile gauche du Parti démocrate, qui ont infligé un camouflet à la première entreprise américaine et à l’homme le plus riche du monde. Contre l’avis des dirigeants démocrates modérés de New York – le maire de la ville Bill de Blasio et le gouverneur de l’Etat Andrew Cuomo –, qui s’étaient réconciliés pour porter le projet.

« Alors que les sondages montrent que 70 % des New-Yorkais soutiennent nos projets et notre investissement, un certain nombre de responsables politiques locaux et de l’Etat ont clairement indiqué qu’ils s’opposent à notre présence et qu’ils ne travailleront pas avec nous pour construire le type de relation nécessaire pour aller de l’avant », a indiqué Amazon, jeudi 14 février. Immédiatement, sur Twitter, la très à gauche Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, nouvelle égérie du Congrès des Etats-Unis dont la circonscription couvre Long Island City, s’est réjouie : « Tout est possible : aujourd’hui fut le jour où un groupe motivé de simples New-Yorkais a battu en brèche l’avidité d’Amazon, son exploitation des travailleurs et le pouvoir de l’homme le plus riche du monde. »

L’immeuble Citibank (en vert) qui devait héberger l’un des nouveaux sièges d’Amazon, dans le quartier new-yorkais de Long Island City, le 14 février.
L’immeuble Citibank (en vert) qui devait héberger l’un des nouveaux sièges d’Amazon, dans le quartier new-yorkais de Long Island City, le 14 février. DREW ANGERER / AFP
Lire aussi Etats-Unis : Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, novice en politique et figure émergente des anti-Trump

Si l’on en est arrivé là, c’est que l’affaire a commencé avec un parfum de trahison. Pendant des mois, la firme de Jeff Bezos avait fait plancher toutes les villes américaines, pour abriter un second quartier général censé embaucher 50 000 salariés. A la dernière minute, le géant de Seattle (Etat de Washington) a changé les règles du jeu et a choisi de construire deux sièges au lieu d’un, de 25 000 salariés chacun. Il a choisi la banlieue de la capitale politique, Washington DC, et la capitale financière, New York : le pouvoir et l’argent, tout cela pour cela !

Bataille idéologique

Dans cette course où il ne fallait pas dévoiler son jeu aux villes concurrentes, les candidats ont mis en avant leur capacité à fournir la main-d’œuvre qualifiée nécessaire et ajouté des cadeaux fiscaux.

New York a été particulièrement généreux, avec 2 milliards de dollars d’incitations. Comme à son habitude, Amazon, groupe connu pour son refus de toute communication avec la presse et les populations, n’a pas « vendu » son projet. Jeff Bezos n’a pas fait la moindre conférence de presse et a laissé les élus Cuomo et De Blasio se réjouir seuls. Immédiatement, les médias new-yorkais ont vanté par contraste la manière adroite et consensuelle avec laquelle Google avait réussi son implantation à Chelsea dans le sud de Manhattan.

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“J’ai chéri les biberons la nuit” : Nicolas vous raconte son congé paternité de quatre mois.

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Par son entreprise, Nicolas a eu droit à quatre mois de congé paternité. Bienvenue dans une utopie qu’on commence à imaginer possible.

 Un congé paternité digne de ce nom”. C’est ce que réclame une pétition lancée il y a une semaine par le magazine “Causette”.

Plus précisément c’est “un allongement du congé paternité à six semaines, indemnisé comme le congé maternité” que demande le journal car, juge-t-il, appuyé par de signatures de célébrités…

“Onze jours pour accueillir un enfant, c’est dérisoire.”

A l’heure où nous publions cet article, la pétition a déjà récolté plus de 20.000 signatures.

Il y a six mois, une autre pétition réclamait, elle aussi, la fin de cette radinerie du congé paternité et un “allongement du congé d’accueil ou de paternité de 11 jours à 4 semaines”. Elle a été signée par près de 60.000 personnes.

Six semaines dans une pétition, quatre semaines dans l’autre. C’est bien, mais ce pourrait être plus !

Nicolas a 30 ans. Il est salarié chez Change.org (plateforme qui héberge justement les deux pétitions citées plus haut).

Il a eu quatre mois de congé paternité. Pas des vacances, non. Ni un congé sans soldes, non. Un congé pa-ter-ni-té. De quatre mois. Le fruit d’une politique d’entreprise valable dans le monde entier (Change.org compte cinq salariés en France et 150 dans le monde).

Son témoignage nous intéresse parce qu’il dit que c’est possible. Et qu’il raconte ce qui ce passerait si les hommes et les femmes avaient un congé équivalent à la naissance de leur enfant.

“Mon fils est né il y a huit mois. J’ai pris quatre mois à partir de sa naissance. J’aurais aussi pu étaler ce congé sur le long terme en travaillant quatre jours sur cinq par exemple, pendant un temps. C’est une politique internationale de ma boîte, annoncée il y a deux ans.

L’idée de l’entreprise était d’offrir un congé de la même durée, en cas de naissance comme d’adoption, aux hommes et aux femmes. C’est, en effet un excellent moyen de réduire les inégalités de genre. Plus possible de dire à une femme de 30 ans que tu embauches :

“Ah mais faudra assurer quand vous aurez un enfant aussi…”

Puisque tout le monde est à la même enseigne.

J’ai décidé de prendre mes quatre mois d’un coup parce que je trouvais que c’était plus simple à gérer. Pendant ce temps-là, je n’étais pas en train de penser au taf.Aujourd’hui, franchement, je ne sais pas comment les autres gens font. Ces quatre mois ont été super importants dans ma vie.D’abord, on est restés une semaine à la maternité tous les deux. Et cette semaine, je l’ai passée là-bas sans me demander s’il ne fallait pas que je rentre plutôt au travail pour prendre mes onze jours plus tard.

Toutes ces nouvelles tâches

 Je me suis complètement investi dans les premiers mois de mon fils. Ce temps a été essentiel pour participer à son développement et ne pas tomber dans l’épuisement total.

C’est difficile d’imaginer ce que veut dire l’arrivée d’un enfant quand on en n’a jamais eu. Mais en gros, t’as un taf d’un coup. Il y a cet être qui est là, à côté de toi, qui ne dort pas et qui demande de l’attention en permanence.

Tout un tas de nouvelles tâches apparaissent. Tu dois apprendre à l’habiller, à le calmer, à le laver ou à changer ses couches… On n’avait jamais fait ça, nous, changer des couches !

En plus, pour ne rien simplifier, toutes ces nouvelles tâches, ce n’est pas la même chose de les apprendre seul ou en couple. Sans compter qu’il y a les autres tâches ménagères qui existaient déjà avant l’enfant et qu’il faut toujours faire…

La question des nuits

 La question des nuits est aussi plus simple quand les deux parents sont en congé. Ma compagne a allaité. Donc elle tirait son lait pour pouvoir dormir la nuit.

Moi, je faisais le réveil de 2 heures ou 3 heures du matin. Ces pauses dans le sommeil peuvent durer vingt minutes (et dans le pire des cas une heure). Je pouvais les faire sans problème parce que je n’allais pas au travail le lendemain.

C’est dur de se réveiller la nuit mais ce sont aussi des moments que j’ai chéris. Je tissais un lien avec un tout petit bébé, notre fils. Ces moments permettent de développer une relation avec l’enfant qui est différente.

Autour de nous, tout le monde s’étonnait aussi bien de mon congé que de la forme de Sophie. Elle a récupéré super vite. Et elle n’a pas eu de baby blues.

Moi je me suis mis à cuisiner énormément. Une mécanique s’est mise en place. Je nourrissais Sophie qui nourrissait notre enfant. Maintenant, j’ai une liste de recettes bien rodée. On a aussi pu voyager, partir. Pas de très grands voyages, mais on a pu aller dans ma famille pendant un mois, par exemple.

Et après ?

 Une fois le congé passé, quand tu recommences à travailler, tu peux imaginer la charge que ça aurait été si tu n’avais pas eu ce congé…

En fait, d’avoir ce temps disponible m’a permis de comprendre l’absurdité du système actuel. On a autorisé les femmes à travailler mais quand elles accouchent, on fait comme si rien n’avait changé. On fait encore reposer la charge de l’enfant sur elles. C’est comme si on disait:

“Tu peux avoir une voiture, mais tu n’as pas le droit de passer le permis.”

Enfin, ce qui est marrant dans la boîte, c’est que cette politique irradie bien au-delà du congé paternité. Je faisais une téléconférence tard avec un autre jeune père de la boîte, il y a quelques jours. Et on avait tous les deux nos enfants sur les genoux.

Ce dispositif nous permet d’assumer pleinement notre paternité. Car la boîte pense différemment le rôle des pères. Quand on commence à répartir les rôles, ça implique un regard différent. Ça fait tout bouger.”

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Paul Pogba thumped locker and apologised to team-mates after PSG red

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Paul Pogba thumped locker in rage and apologised to Manchester United team-mates after being shown red card against Paris Saint-Germain

  • Manchester United lost 2-0 to Paris Saint-Germain at Old Trafford on Tuesday
  • Paul Pogba was sent off after picking up a second yellow in the closing stages 
  • The French midfielder reportedly let out his frustration in the changing room  

Spencer Morgan For Mailonline

Paul Pogba reportedly let out his fury in the Manchester United changing room after receiving a red card in Tuesday’s defeat to PSG before apologising to his to his team-mates.

The Red Devils’ hopes of reaching the quarter-finals were left hanging by a thread after goals from Presnel Kimpembe and Kylian Mbappe in the first leg.

Their misery was compounded in the final minutes when Pogba was shown a second yellow card in the 89th minute for a foul on Dani Alves, meaning he will now miss the second leg in Paris.

Paul Pogba was sent off for Manchester United late in their defeat to Paris Saint-Germain

Paul Pogba was sent off for Manchester United late in their defeat to Paris Saint-Germain

Paul Pogba was sent off for Manchester United late in their defeat to Paris Saint-Germain

The Frenchman was dismissed after picking up a second yellow card for a foul on Dani Alves

The Frenchman was dismissed after picking up a second yellow card for a foul on Dani Alves

The Frenchman was dismissed after picking up a second yellow card for a foul on Dani Alves

The midfielder was absolutely furious with himself following the game, according to The Mirror. 

A source said: ‘Pogba was distraught and he apologised to all of his team-mates. He felt as if he had let them down and he is now gutted to be missing the second leg. He banged his locker in anger several times.’ 

Pogba has been an integral part of United’s renaissance under their new manager and his absence at the Parc des Princes has left United with an even bigger mountain to climb.  

The Manchester United midfielder was given his marching orders in the closing stages

The Manchester United midfielder was given his marching orders in the closing stages

The Manchester United midfielder was given his marching orders in the closing stages

In fact, many believe the dismissal sealed the Manchester outfit’s exit from the tournament, including former defender Rio Ferdinand. 

‘They’ve got to think about going forward and think about finishing in the top four,’ the BT Sport pundit said during the post-match coverage. ‘This game, this tie is over after the red card.’

Fellow Old Trafford legend Paul Ince was also heavily critical of Pogba’s mistake, labeling the 25-year-old ‘stupid’.

‘Paul Pogba really let himself down against PSG. Just when he’s won the fans over, and he’s doing everything you expect of a top player, he goes and behaves like that’, he said.

The French international will now be suspended for the second-leg in Paris next month

The French international will now be suspended for the second-leg in Paris next month

The French international will now be suspended for the second-leg in Paris next month

‘I know it’s because he was frustrated at the game, but also it’s because Marquinhos was too good for him, he did a real job on him. 

‘The first yellow card he got was pure petulance – and the second challenge should’ve been a straight red anyway. 

‘I’d say other teams will be taking notes, knowing they too can mark Pogba out of the game. Just like that, he’s out of the second leg. It’s stupid behaviour. 

‘He’s been a talisman under Ole, and to lose him for that game is beyond disappointing.’

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Emotion: Sa fille souffre d’alopécie, ce père décide de se raser la tête

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Le jour où leur fille Riley leur a confié qu’elle « ne s’aimait pas parce qu’elle n’avait pas de cheveux », ses parents ont décidé qu’il était urgent de se remobiliser pour booster sa confiance en elle. Cette petite Américaine souffre d’alopécie et peut compter sur le soutien sans faille de son père et de sa mère. « Tu sais à quel point nous t’aimons Maman et moi ? Les cheveux, ça n’a pas d’importance. Ca ne te rend pas différente ma chérie », lui a expliqué son père Dave… juste avant de passer à l’action ! Il a en effet proposé à sa fille de se raser la tête, comme vous pouvez le découvrir dans la vidéo ci-dessus, repérée par « Le Huff Post ». La petite fille a accepté cette idée avec un grand sourire.

« C’EST L’UNE DES RAISONS POUR LESQUELLES J’AIME AUTANT MON MARI. »

Ni une, ni deux, on découvre Dave tondeuse à la main dans la salle de bains familiale. Riley lui a bien sûr donné un coup de main ! C’est Chelsea, l’épouse de Dave qui a posté cette vidéo sur Facebook, une jolie déclaration d’amour à la clé : « c’est l’une des raisons pour lesquelles j’aime autant mon mari. »

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Dele Alli steps up his recovery in Dubai as Tottenham midfielder aims to return from injury

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Dele Alli steps up his recovery in Dubai as Tottenham midfielder aims to return from hamstring injury in early March

  • The England international suffered a hamstring injury in January against Fulham
  • Now the 22-year-old looks as though he is working hard to make a timely return
  • Dele Alli posted a video on Twitter showing the rehab that he has had to endure

Jack Kinnersley For Mailonline

Dele Alli has stepped up his recovery in Dubai as he aims to try and make the return leg against Borussia Dortmund. 

The England international suffered a hamstring injury in Tottenham’s 2-1 victory over Fulham on January 20.

And now the 22-year-old looks as though he is working hard to make a timely return for Mauricio Pochettino’s side. 

Dele Alli has stepped up his recovery in Dubai as he aims to return against Borussia Dortmund

Dele Alli has stepped up his recovery in Dubai as he aims to return against Borussia Dortmund

Dele Alli has stepped up his recovery in Dubai as he aims to return against Borussia Dortmund

Now the 22-year-old looks as though he is working hard to make a timely return for Spurs

Now the 22-year-old looks as though he is working hard to make a timely return for Spurs

Now the 22-year-old looks as though he is working hard to make a timely return for Spurs

Alli posted a video on Twitter showing the rehab that he has had to endure in order to return to full fitness. 

The Spurs midfielder missed Tottenham’s 3-0 victory over Borussia Dortmund in their Champions League last-16 first leg. 

Harry Winks played that match on Wednesday and believes the north London club are strong favourites going into the second leg on March 5.  

Alli posted a video on Twitter showing the rehab that he has had to endure in order to return

Alli posted a video on Twitter showing the rehab that he has had to endure in order to return

Alli posted a video on Twitter showing the rehab that he has had to endure in order to return

The England international suffered a hamstring injury in Tottenham's 2-1 victory over Fulham

The England international suffered a hamstring injury in Tottenham's 2-1 victory over Fulham

The England international suffered a hamstring injury in Tottenham’s 2-1 victory over Fulham

‘We hope it is a statement to show that we are up there, we mean business, that we want do do well and go as far as we can in the Champions League,’ Winks said after Wednesday’s 3-0 win.

‘There is no better way of doing that than beating Dortmund 3-0 at home. We have to take it game by game. 

‘We have got to win the second leg before we can even look at how far we can go.’

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Société: La peur d’être une mauvaise mère

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La maman parfaite n’existe pas. Elle se construit avec son enfant et se nourrit aussi des expériences des autres mères. Pour moins culpabiliser.

Gaspard a tout juste 6 mois, raconte Marion, 31 ans, professeure de yoga, et déjà, j’ai peur d’être une mauvaise mère pour lui. Je me suis imaginée patiente, aimante. Et, parfois, je ne me sens pas à la hauteur. Je ne suis pas comme les autres, celles pour qui tout semble facile. »

Le sociologue Gérard Neyrand (1) constate que « c’est un sentiment particulièrement présent aujourd’hui, lié à deux facteurs socioculturels: l’isolement des mères est plus important (on s’éloigne de son giron familial, on se sépare…) et les normes éducatives ont beaucoup changé (on valorise davantage l’enfant, on psychologise l’éducation). Malgré l’évolution des pratiques (l’implication des pères, l’activité professionnelle des femmes), l’influence maternelle est encore survalorisée. Or, cette sur-responsabilisation engendre de l’angoisse ». La société n’est pas tendre avec les mères. Mais font-elles preuve de plus de bienveillance à leur encontre?

Je suis tiraillée. Marion Cognard, psychologue spécialiste de la parentalité, remarque qu’elles-mêmes veulent « être sur tous les fronts ». Il leur faut gérer enfant, couple, carrière, planning, et même leurs émotions! « Leurs désirs sont nombreux et parfois contradictoires, ce qui engendre des conflits psychiques. »

L’équation est compliquée: prendre du temps pour soi, est-ce être « mauvaise »? Et s’épanouir dans son travail ou dans son couple? Et éprouver de la colère? « Tiraillées entre les différentes représentations – tant personnelles qu’issues d’un inconscient collectif – de ce que doit être une “bonne” personne (être comme maman ou tout le contraire?), elles doutent. »
Je me sens fragile. « Devenir parent est un grand bouleversement, rappelle Marion Cognard. L’identité change, tout comme la place, le rôle, le quotidien. » De quoi déstabiliser le psychisme, qui perd tous ses repères. Pour la psychanalyste Virginie Megglé (2), les mères se prétendent « mauvaises » lorsqu’elles se sentent fragiles. « C’est une demande implicite de réconfort, d’encouragement, pour apaiser un sentiment de solitude. Elles ont besoin de retrouver du courage, comme un enfant qui éprouve des difficultés. » Car élever sa progéniture renvoie à sa propre enfance et sa propre fragilité.
Je me vois toute-puissante. Ce sentiment d’impuissance est d’autant plus douloureux qu’il cache « un désir de toute-puissance », poursuit la psychanalyste. « Les femmes ont de grandes exigences et s’imaginent pouvoir tout être, tout donner dans une illusion de contrôle. » Sauf que le principe de réalité surgit: malgré leur bonne volonté, elles ne contrôlent pas tout; et encore moins l’enfant lui-même. « Si lui était parfait, il pourrait conforter la mère dans son rôle, poursuit Marion Cognard. Mais, naturellement, ce n’est pas le cas. D’où le sentiment d’échec et la culpabilité. »

(1) « Père, mère, des fonctions incertaines » (Érès).(2) « Le bonheur d’être responsable, vivre sans culpabiliser » (Odile Jacob).À lire: « La Mère suffisamment bonne » de Donald W. Winnicott. (Payot, Petite bibliothèque).

Que faire et comment faire 

>Demandez de l’aide. Pour la psychanalyste Virginie Megglé, l’important est d’éviter de « transmettre l’inquiétude, qui reste un sentiment humain. Il est sage de se faire épauler, aider, accompagner, par le père d’abord ou, si ce dernier est défaillant, par un tiers de confiance (ou un thérapeute). Il ne s’agit pas de n’être plus inquiète mais d’être ” mieux ” inquiète. Faites-vous du souci pour vous avant de vous en faire pour l’enfant ».

> Faites-vous confiance. « La profusion des repères éducatifs, parfois contradictoires, perd la femme qui cherche à bien faire », constate le sociologue Gérard Neyrand. C’est le célèbre « embarras » du choix. « Cherchez des réponses quand vous doutez mais faites-vous confiance, soyez à l’écoute de vos sentiments, de vos valeurs, de la personne que vous êtes et de ce qui vous semble ” bon ” à vous. Même pour Freud, éduquer est ” un métier impossible ” »

> Soyez cohérente. « L’enfant n’a pas besoin d’une mère parfaite, rappelle la psychologue Marion Cognard. Ce qui est fondamental, c’est son sentiment de sécurité. Il a besoin d’un parent stable, fiable et cohérent. Mieux vaut dire sa colère quand on en éprouve plutôt que de chercher à la maîtriser en culpabilisant. Ce sont les messages contradictoires entre ce que le parent pense, dit, ressent et fait qui fragilisent l’enfant. »

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Inside the wacky world of Thomas Gravesen: New book details crazy career

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Football star Thomas Gravesen has been described as ‘a grenade with the pin pulled out’ and his explosive career has now been documented in a sensational new biography.

He shocked team-mates, coaches and managers throughout his journey from boyhood club Vejle Boldklub to a glittering career that took him to Hamburg, Everton, Real Madrid and Celtic.

But at the age of 32, he suddenly retired and disappeared only to resurface several years later living in a luxurious gated community in Las Vegas, with Andre Agassi and Nicolas Cage as neighbours.

Football star Thomas Gravesen has been described as 'a grenade with the pin pulled out'

Football star Thomas Gravesen has been described as 'a grenade with the pin pulled out'

Football star Thomas Gravesen has been described as ‘a grenade with the pin pulled out’

Rumours swirl around that the midfielder made himself a £100million fortune in the US. There’s also reports he lost $54m in a high stakes game of poker.

Very little is actually known about the man dubbed Mad Dog, with some in Denmark even labelling him a unicorn due to the mystery that surrounds him. 

But a new book pulls back the curtain and lets fans find out about the life and times of one of the most colourful players ever to exist. Here are some extracts from one of football’s most revealing stories.

Knocking one of Ronaldo’s teeth out

Thomas made the move to Real Madrid after becoming undoubtedly one of Europe’s leading midfielders at that point due to his performances for both Everton and Denmark.

Now it was an intriguing question of how good he could become with these facilities at his disposal and players of such high calibre to spur him on. Anyone who thought Thomas was going to Madrid just to pick up a big salary was in for a shock. Thomas was going there to play. He still only had one gear, the same one he had back in his days in the youth team at Vejle, and that was full steam ahead, no matter what obstacles appeared.

In training Thomas was his usual boisterous self, flying into tackles and putting maximum effort into every single second as if his life depended on it. But he also brought his sporadic poor judgement to Spain too and would think nothing of grabbing and putting any of the Galácticos in one of his bone-crushing bear hugs.

Of course, even they couldn’t get out of them, no matter how long they’d spent in the gym team-mate Borja Fernández added: ‘Thomas was a character, he made us laugh a lot. He was so much fun and genuine too’.

Gravesen joined Real Madrid after becoming undoubtedly one of Europe's leading midfielders

Gravesen joined Real Madrid after becoming undoubtedly one of Europe's leading midfielders

Gravesen joined Real Madrid after becoming undoubtedly one of Europe’s leading midfielders

Gravesen would think nothing of grabbing and putting any of the Galácticos in a tight bear hug

Gravesen would think nothing of grabbing and putting any of the Galácticos in a tight bear hug

Gravesen would think nothing of grabbing and putting any of the Galácticos in a tight bear hug

Gravesen (L) squares up to a young Fernando Torres during a Madrid derby in March 2006

Gravesen (L) squares up to a young Fernando Torres during a Madrid derby in March 2006

Gravesen (L) squares up to a young Fernando Torres during a Madrid derby in March 2006

He went a bit too far, though, when he decided to throw around the world’s top striker, Ronaldo, who was worshipped by millions and an icon to people everywhere. You can imagine the horror on the management team’s faces when they saw their main source of goals, who was worth his weight in gold, in the unforgiving hands of The Ogre as he’d been dubbed by the Spanish media.

THOMAS GRAVESEN’S CAREER

1995-1997 – Vejle Boldklub

1997-2000 – Hamburg

2000-2005 – Everton

2005-2006 – Real Madrid

2006-2008 – Celtic 

1998-2006 – Denmark – 66 caps

Honours:

1x Scottish Premier League

1x Scottish Cup  

Despite being 6ft tall and rippling with muscles, Ronaldo for all his might couldn’t get loose and ended up being tossed around like a rag doll. After some rough and tumble, the shenanigans ended with Ronaldo lying there minus a tooth. The incident, of course, made the papers.

While there was no malice or fallout, it showed that Thomas wasn’t going to tone down his antics. Even if he was playing for the biggest club in the world, he was still going to have a hell of a lot of fun doing it. Thomas’s Danish team-mate Morten Wieghorst said: ‘In Spain, they wouldn’t have experienced many players like him and that’s why at Real Madrid that stuff came out about his old tricks, so to speak. They weren’t used to that kind of character and to be fair, neither were we.’

Dating a Porn Star

Thomas’s downfall was caused by a cocktail of elements and influences that hit him hard. I don’t think he even saw them coming. While he’d been able to stay focused during his first six months in Madrid, once the season stopped and he had a chance to survey the scenery, it dawned on him just how much attention was on him.

The spotlight was burning brightly. Fans in Spain adored him and he was the biggest thing in Denmark. The likes of Beckham and Ronaldo were accustomed to intense scrutiny of their lives, on and off the pitch. They’d never known any different since becoming footballers. They were well used to having paparazzi following their car or leaping out in front of them as they left a shop. Thomas had been able to live a fairly normal life in Liverpool and Hamburg. He’d been well known but never one to trouble the non-sports media regularly. That was no longer the case. He wasn’t only big news in Denmark, he was fodder for every news outlet under the sun as being a Real Madrid star meant you were fair game.

Danish football journalist Johan Lyngholm-Bjerge explained: ‘Even now, after he’s retired, if something happens with Gravesen, it’s all over the newspapers in Denmark as people love to read it. He doesn’t feel he owes the media anything, as there have been clashes. He’s had relationships with women and you can imagine if a famous football player starts a new relationship, it’s all over the magazines and lots of the stories were probably not true He got tired of that.’

Enter Kira Eggers, who politely declined to be interviewed for this book. She had been described as a ‘porn star’ and there’s numerous X-rated videos featuring her online. She has also worked for Playboy TV and has done raunchy modelling shoots. 

Gravesen's downfall was prompted by the increased scrutiny that came with playing for Real

Gravesen's downfall was prompted by the increased scrutiny that came with playing for Real

Gravesen’s downfall was prompted by the increased scrutiny that came with playing for Real

Gravesen once dated Porn Star Kira Eggers but is now believed to be with Kamila Persse (R)

Gravesen once dated Porn Star Kira Eggers but is now believed to be with Kamila Persse (R)

Gravesen once dated Porn Star Kira Eggers but is now believed to be with Kamila Persse (R)

It soon broke that her and Thomas had become a couple. As if the interest in him wasn’t already at fever pitch, getting together with a porn star sent Thomas’s profile rocketing into a different stratosphere. It was the sort of story that tabloid journalists salivate about in their sleep. Thomas was in his first public relationship since parting with teenage sweetheart Gitte Pedersen, and it couldn’t have been more different.

He’d gone from someone he’d known since his teenage days to someone who was used to attention in a completely different way. Unusually, someone within his personal circle actually broke ranks as Gitte gave an interview in which she expressed her surprise about his new partner. Gitte said: ‘Thomas and I had a very quiet life, and so I was very surprised to see him with Kira. I’m not so sure that Thomas takes the relationship as seriously as Kira. But I wish them both good luck I am not jealous. We had our time together and have both moved on.’

Not only that, she then revealed details about their relationship, which began after Thomas met a 15-year-old Gitte in Vejle. She revealed how Thomas was too shy to ask for her number, so enlisted a friend. Gitte added: ‘I simply could not believe that the hard football player was too shy to ask me. So I let him sweat a little before I gave it to him and we immediately clicked and did all the things that normal young people do when they date.’ Even a seemingly innocuous disclosure such as this would not have gone down well with Thomas, a notoriously private man who is very selective about who he speaks to.

Shooting fireworks at Wayne Rooney

Thomas wasn’t firing on all cylinders in season 2003/04. While he was still capable of producing moments of magic, they weren’t as frequent and it seemed something had blunted his blade. Part of the reason was that his midfield partner Lee Carsley didn’t play as much that season, meaning Thomas would have to be more disciplined, which of course he wasn’t. When he tried to be, it frustrated him. It placed a greater burden on the rest of the team and the gamble backfired.

Another reason was that Wayne Rooney was now a certain starter. He played the most league games of any outfield player in the squad that season. Naturally, the manager was going to utilise such a potent weapon. Rooney was older and no longer a rookie and his regular inclusion meant the way the team played had changed. The shape wasn’t the same and Thomas was no longer the fulcrum. That role had been handed to Rooney.

Thomas wasn't firing on all cylinders in 03/04 and it seemed something had blunted his blade

Thomas wasn't firing on all cylinders in 03/04 and it seemed something had blunted his blade

Thomas wasn’t firing on all cylinders in 03/04 and it seemed something had blunted his blade

Gravesen would have to be more disciplined in the absence of Lee Carsley but he wasn't

Gravesen would have to be more disciplined in the absence of Lee Carsley but he wasn't

Gravesen would have to be more disciplined in the absence of Lee Carsley but he wasn’t

Wayne Rooney was now a certain starter and was the fulcrum of the team instead of Gravesen

Wayne Rooney was now a certain starter and was the fulcrum of the team instead of Gravesen

Wayne Rooney was now a certain starter and was the fulcrum of the team instead of Gravesen

The switching of responsibility didn’t cause any friction between the two star men, although a casual observer might have assumed they were trying to kill each other if they’d walked in during their ‘shootout’ one afternoon. Moyes said: ‘It was the old gym, it’s about 60 yards long. Him [Thomas] and Wayne, they were shooting fireworks at each other. They had big rockets full of gunpowder, they were holding one end and shooting them at each other’.

The manager added: ‘Tommy was mental in a good way. He was a great player and we loved him He wouldn’t listen but it wasn’t in a bad way. I think it was a wee bit where he didn’t want to hear you and just done [sic] his own thing. He was crazy in his training. He was a good lad but mental.’

Working as a car salesman

After gaining a reputation as a promising young player, Thomas’s uniqueness began to seep out. Before, he’d just been a game-for-a-laugh youngster. But as he became an adult, it was clear he had a character that was different from all the other players.

In one of his early-career interviews, Thomas told how he took a job at a workshop that sold spare car parts because he needed something on which to focus his pulsating and consuming energy when he wasn’t playing.

He said: ‘I need to know that the alarm clock rings in the morning, otherwise I will never go to bed. Previously, I had a period of three to four months where I did not work. I only slept in the morning and could not sleep at night I switched completely night and day and could clearly notice that my game was getting worse and my condition worse.’

Gravesen, pictured playing for Hamburg in 1997, worked as a car salesman to give him routine

Gravesen, pictured playing for Hamburg in 1997, worked as a car salesman to give him routine

Gravesen, pictured playing for Hamburg in 1997, worked as a car salesman to give him routine

Gravesen challenges Zlatan Ibrahimovic during a Champions League clash in Turin in 2005

Gravesen challenges Zlatan Ibrahimovic during a Champions League clash in Turin in 2005

Gravesen challenges Zlatan Ibrahimovic during a Champions League clash in Turin in 2005

After explaining the issue to the club and his mentor Ole Fritsen, Thomas got some support and was able to revert to ‘just’ being one of European football’s best young players.

But it showed he had an almost abnormally obsessive personality that was to become more prevalent once he left the comfort of his homeland behind. It would be national news in any major country like England, Italy or Spain if a young star was combining their career with a regular job as a salesman in a spare parts shop.

Playing the odds in Las Vegas

After retiring the next time Thomas surfaced was four years later. He hadn’t been mentioned by anyone or appeared in any newspapers. He’d been a ghost. When Thomas was finally tracked down in 2013, he was living in a lavish gated community in Las Vegas. Tennis power couple Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf, actor Nicolas Cage and superstar magician Penn Jillette were his neighbours

Mad Dog had settled down in Sin City’s suburb, Summerlin, which lies on the edge of the spectacular Spring Mountains. He was living in the luxurious Canyon Fairways, where houses sell for small fortunes and a price tag of $5.5m and upwards is not rare.

Thomas hadn’t lost his love of speed and was regularly seen burning up the Nevada freeways in his Mercedes SLR McLaren. It had a top speed of 208mph and cost around $500,000. His Mercedes was so exclusive that only 2,157 were made worldwide and each one could be individually crafted to the buyer’s specifications. It’s as bespoke as it gets in the car world and to be frank, it’s precisely the type of machine you might imagine Thomas jumping into to do his groceries.

Gravesen (C) speaks to the press prior to a training session with Denmark after joining Celtic

Gravesen (C) speaks to the press prior to a training session with Denmark after joining Celtic

Gravesen (C) speaks to the press prior to a training session with Denmark after joining Celtic

Celtic manager Gordon Strachan makes a point to  Gravesen during a game at Old Trafford

Celtic manager Gordon Strachan makes a point to  Gravesen during a game at Old Trafford

Celtic manager Gordon Strachan makes a point to Gravesen during a game at Old Trafford

Newspapers broke the story that Thomas had amassed a fortune of over £80m in Las Vegas

Newspapers broke the story that Thomas had amassed a fortune of over £80m in Las Vegas

Newspapers broke the story that Thomas had amassed a fortune of over £80m in Las Vegas

All of this leaked into the public arena due to revelations about Thomas’s wealth. According to numerous reports, in Nevada he hadn’t just lapped up the sun and amused himself. Out of nowhere, newspapers broke the story that Thomas had amassed a fortune of over £80m, with some even saying it had hit £100m. This is where Thomas’s story gets really interesting as there are lots of theories about how he made that money. But none are clear-cut.

One is the tale that first appeared on poker forum Two Plus Two. The story goes that some poker insiders were in a Vegas casino and became engrossed in an electric high-rollers game, featuring Thomas. A post made by a user going under the name TarantulaGargantu said: ‘I can confirm he has made £80m but it did not come easy. I was there in one of the sessions where he was playing some guy heads-up and lost £54m in one night. Can’t say who it was against, though’.

Heads-up means that it’s one on one, instead of the usual group of players around the table, all competing against each another. As it’s an American website, we can assume the staggering amount that Thomas is claimed to have lost is in US dollars.

The identity of his opponent being kept secret only makes the suggestion more credible. It would have been easier to throw out a bogus name of someone famous and allow it to filter through to the gossip magazines and tabloids. 

TarantulaGargantu is no longer part of the forum, so cannot be tracked down for further information, and his or her identity could be someone very close to Thomas. 

Mad Dog Gravesen: The Last of the Modern Footballing Mavericks by Chris Sweeney is on sale now from Pitch Publishing. 

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