Maldon & Tiptree 0-1 Morecambe: Shrimps narrowly advance to second round of FA Cup

This ought to have been the tastiest tie on this weekend’s FA Cup menu: The Jammers versus the Shrimps, two clubs whose nicknames derive from the royal-warranted delicacies produce in their respective localities.

Sadly, though, the fare served up by Maldon&Tiptree, where the Queen’s favourite breakfast spread is made, and Morecambe, which supplies Buckingham Palace with potted shellfish, was not for the connoisseur.

More streetwise than hosts four tiers below them on the football pyramid, the Division 2 side scored a penalty just before half-time, then killed the game with a succession of cleverly-bought fouls and long periods of possession.

Adam Phillips scored from the penalty spot to send Morecambe into the FA Cup second round

Phillips celebrates with his team as the League Two side narrowly avoided a cup upset

Hitherto unbeaten at the top of the Isthmian League North, Wayne Brown’s side were restricted to just two chances, both of which fell to their gangling centre-forward Shomari Barnwell.

He may have been unfortunate with the first, which struck the keeper’s legs; not so with the second, a horribly mistimed header, glanced wife from just six yards. The Shrimps, for their part, squandered a whole net-full of opportunities.

If only the Essex team’s tiny ground had been packed with 1800 partisan fans, as it was last season when – having defeated Leyton Orient away – they came within a whisker of beating Newport in Round Two, matters might have been different.

Cheered only by a couple of dozen resourceful diehards who found a vantage-point on a grassy bank overlooking the pitch, however, the Jammers couldn’t summon the passion they needed to overcome an obvious gulf in class.

The ludicrous Covid rules that now separate nominally ‘elite’ and ‘non-elite’ footballers also gave the Division Two side an advantage.

While they could rest overnight in a comfortable hotel after their 280-mile journey from Lancashire, and their preparations were uninterrupted, Maldon were only given a dispensation to train a few hours before this week’s lockdown.

A group of fans watch on in hope that Maldon & Tiptree could find a way back into the game

Then there was the pressure of knowing that, should they lose this tie, the Jammers wouldn’t even be allowed to play again until it is lifted.

All this might make some sense if the two clubs adhered to different coronavirus safety measures.

Yet as it costs about £85 to test each squad member and official, and neither Maldon nor Morecambe are rolling in cash in these straitened times, both adhere to the same, basic minimum precautions.

Watching this soulless contest, played out to the thud of leather on aluminium hoardings and frantic cries echoing from the dugout, one wondered at times at the point of playing such matches at all.

Samuel Coombes of Maldon & Tiptree is challenged by Ryan Cooney from Morecambe

But then you remembered the real fans, hunkered down in their houses, who could at least watch on BBC iPlayer; and the vital revenue the FA Cup is bringing to grassroots clubs: more than £30,000 including the TV money.

As Brown told me, that is enough to pay Maldon’s bills for a good portion of the season. For Morecambe, cast in the unfamiliar role of giants, it was also a big earner, with the promise of more to come after this cruise-control victory.

So yes, a flat and rather surreal occasion, and certainly not one to titivate the taste-buds.

But for the home team it means there’ll be jam tomorrow; as for the Shrimps, it will at least help keep their heads above water, and that is reward enough.