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“My biological mother was never much of a mother to me; I don’t think she knew how to be one. Her father was an alcoholic and she was married off at 20 so I guess I don’t blame her. Sure, she cooked and cleaned, but she never asked about my day or how I felt. I was a fussy eater as a child, but she didn’t care if I ate or not. Only one person did–my Bua.
My Bua was the mother I never had but wanted. Ever since I was a baby, I craved her company more than my moms. She’d run behind me with a plate of food till I ate, and would often refuse to eat herself until I did. And whenever I felt sad or cried, I’d rest my head in her lap and she’d say, ‘I’ve got you and you’re going to be okay.’ She had a way of making me feel so safe; I felt like I could conquer the world.
She’d come to my school conferences, cheered for me loudly while I performed on stage and even dealt with my tantrums and ‘teenage phases’. When I told her about my first boyfriend, she gave me advice and made sure I could always talk to her. In fact, when my ex-boyfriend was mistreating me, Bua taught me to stand up for myself and said ‘You are my daughter and I will not tolerate this.’
And she was right– I was her daughter. Because on Mother’s Day, the first woman that I thought of was her. So every year on that day, I’d attempt to cook, hopelessly fail, and make her a bowl of Maggi. But Bua would smile her biggest smile and eat it as if it was the yummiest thing she’d tasted. That’s the thing, she’d do anything to make me happy.
So when Bua suddenly started sleeping more and eating less, I was worried out of my mind. She insisted that she was fine but I just knew I had to take her to the hospital; the doctor diagnosed her with Gallstones. He said she’d be okay– I can’t explain the relief I felt.
But a couple of days later, just as I’d stepped out for lunch, I got an urgent call from the hospital. I rushed to her room, only to see her breathe her last breath as the doctors tried to revive her. I felt crushed; a big part of my heart was gone forever.
A year later, there still isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think of her. On Mother’s day and her birthday, I go out and feed as many underprivileged children as I can, to celebrate her– just the way she fed and looked after me.
Because Bua proved that motherhood isn’t just what society thinks it to be. It’s not only about carrying life in your womb. It’s about care, sacrifice and unconditional love. And that’s the kind of love Bua gave me. So every time I miss her, I imagine resting my head in her lap and believe that wherever she is, she’s saying, ‘I’ve got you, you’re going to be okay.’”
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All Out India celebrates its #30YearsofTrust, in association with Humans of Bombay, by bringing out inspiring stories of women who have gone beyond to nurture and protect their family.
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